Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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