FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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