Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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