she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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