I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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