she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
