I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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