Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
