Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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