So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
