Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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