the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
