i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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