I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
