I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
