So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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