and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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