i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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