When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
