I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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