her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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