Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
