i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You can't just leave with hair like that
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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