just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
is it fun? or sober?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
