yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
