he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
