She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
