whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
