i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
