Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
