Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
