i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
