In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
