We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
