I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
