i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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