I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
