she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
