I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
