I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
