i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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