Screwed.edu
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
