I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
