the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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