i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
