it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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