I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
