note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
