did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
