God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
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