I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
