this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
