you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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