theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
