This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
