I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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