In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
