remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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