can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
