This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
