I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
