I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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