I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
