Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
