My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
