i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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