I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
