I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
