one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
