I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
