Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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