Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
