chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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